The Unmuddled Mathematician

There Will Not Be Another

By Chris S. Coray, The Unmuddled Mathematician

Even before my wife took over the task of producing a weekly newspaper for our county there was a clear highlight in each edition of the Rich County Times and then The Rich Civic Times.  The “Muddled Male” column, written by Bob Stevens, gave all of us a weekly dose of homespun humor and experiences from a life well lived and full of happiness.  Using his wife, Ann, as his foil, he wrote stories that made us smile, chuckle, and sometimes even belly laugh.

Bob is not dead, although if you believe him (and you shouldn’t) the only thing that has kept him alive is obeying his wife as she carefully controls every aspect of his life, especially his diet.  That’s just bunk.  I have watched him more times than you can count tuck some high fat, high sugar goodie into his pocket as he has hidden it from Ann, later to be wolfed down by Muddled himself.  Or just inhaling a big, greasy burger and leaving a spotlessly clean plate.  There will now be a race on at all the local fast food places to be the first with the most.  In particular, all the signs that say, “Famous Raspberry Shakes” will be replaced by, “Original Bob Stevens Curly Cheese Garlic Salty Fries—One Size Only X-Large”, or, “Raspberry Shakes Bigger than Bob Stevens Himself!, Eat Two, Then You Can Live To Be 80!”. 

Bob, now 80, and Ann, age about 45 (this is a little tough to reason for the unmuddled mathematician)  since they have been married for more than 60 years), are moving to Cache Valley in a couple of weeks.  We will no doubt see him occasionally has he continues to work with the water company, but the frequency will go down.  Cache Valley wins, we are diminished but have been blessed by their presence.  Here is a test for you.  If you live in the Bear Lake Valley and have not personally been helped by Bob or Ann during your time here, please stand up.  I notice that none of you moved at all.  We have been blessed by their presence in our midst.

RAJ, in a church leadership meeting, looked at Bob and named his group, “The Little Guys”.   Actually that name became a joke but we little guys responded by serving “Little Smokies”, the tiny sausages, as full size hot dogs.  Bob wasn’t so little either when he journeyed each fall into the hills each fall go chop and bring firewood , as in big firewood, down to the widows and others who need it to stay warm.  In our photos of those trips you can’t even see Bob behind the wood he is packing down to the truck.

I hope that the makers of coveralls continue to make the pockets bigger so he can always accommodate the latest phone technology.  He is the ideal target for the Apple market skimmers, always ready (and needy) to jump immediately to the next and latest phone technology.   Somehow he has to convince Ann that the next model of “My Precious” is essential for survival.  So far he has been successful but his hands are scarcely big enough for current models, let alone what’s coming down the pike.  I did see a folding chair just outside the Apple store last week in Logan (this may be the real reason for the move), that has the words, “This Chair Reserved for Bob Stevens in the Waiting and Pre-Order Line”.  All the employees know him on a first name, candy bar gift basis.

On my IPhone, a device to which I have come lately, I have a section called “Favorites” for the people most dear to me whom I call.  On that short list are my wife, my two children, my 3 grandchildren, and Bob Stevens.  There will not be another pair like those two in my years remaining at Bear Lake.   Nobody knows this better than everybody who knows them.

Ed Note:  Bob may be leaving Bear Lake, but hopefully not the Rich Civic Times! Ann says she wants equal time to say it is all lies!