The Unmuddled Mathematician

Sticks and Stones May Break Your Bones

By Chris S. Coray, the Unmuddled Mathematician

The title of this article was the beginning of a phrase used by my mother when I complained about some name or phrase used by an acquaintance to offend me.  It was always followed by the companion ending, “But names will never hurt you”.  Now, at age 72 I’ve decided that my mom was just plain wrong.  Some of them did hurt, so these phrases should be avoided as they are a form of bullying but still, every kid should expect to hear (but not like) an occasional nickname or adjective used in a negative way.  It’s almost like part of the growing up process.

For example, during my life I have been called “Red”, “Banana Legs”, “The Only Man in the World with Orange Eyebrows”, “Freckles”, “Four Eyes”, “Geek”, “Nerd”, and countless others, all to my face.  Heaven knows what nicknames many of my students used behind my back.

And it hasn’t stopped.  Just last week, after driving to Logan, picking up my lovely middle granddaughter (age 13), driving her to SLC for an 8 hour ballet lesson, driving her home to Logan the same day, she said to me, “Grandpa, you drive at the speed of an armadillo”.  So I looked up armadillos.  They are reputed to have short legs but move quickly.  So I felt better.  There are several kinds of armadillos but the picture of the one that looked the most like me was labeled as a giant screaming hairy armadillo.  I hope this species is numerous because it is not likely that other creatures would find them attractive.

Anyway, this article is inspired by a recently used but seldom heard before nickname for somebody else.  It has become impossible to watch the news without hearing this nickname.  I bet that 3 weeks ago you had never heard of but can now barely stand to learn about “El Chapo”.  This is the nickname of notorious drug dealer and killer in Mexico who recently escaped what is a joke of a prison.  The talking heads fell in the love with saying “El Chapo”.  What they could not bring themselves to say (or perhaps did not know) is that “El Chapo” is Spanish for “Shorty”.  It’s pretty hard to keep you terrorized and worried if all you heard was a story about a guy called, “Shorty” in Mexico.  His nickname may have been the reason he went bad, growing up with his entire town calling him “Shorty”.  Whether or not the name calling is the reason he become really bad is not clear but what is clear is that US news folks could not maintain what they believed was a serious story if they kept saying “Shorty” to us.  So they didn’t.  And some people are lucky.  Nobody is ever going to call Nick Jarman “El Chapo”.

To help you out with future news I am including a short list of English words or phrases with their Spanish translations so you can practice up and be ahead for the next empty talking head report about nefarious and other folks around the world.  Here they are:

Jug Ears------------------------Jarra Oidos

Yellow Belly-------------------Gallina

Brainless-----------------------Insensato

Ugliest Man Alive------------Hombre Vivo Mas Feos

Muddled Male----------------Hombre Confuso or Bob

Fastest Driver in Utah-------KS or RAJ