The Unmuddled Mathematician

The Big House, The Little House, No House

By Chris Coray, The Unmuddled Mathematician

In the very old movies when a gangster talked about going to prison it was often called “The Big House”.  Events of the past couple of months have got me confused.  For example, consider the group from Nevada and Arizona who have decided to “occupy” the buildings on a national wildlife refuge in Oregon.  For national, read federal.  The leader, one Ammon Bundy, is the son of the guy in Nevada or Arizona who owes a million dollars in grazing fees but conducts demonstrations, mostly while wearing a gun.  But this bunch in Oregon does not meet the full deck of cards test.  First, I don’t know why they are doing this.  They do not explain their cause well but do have nice hats.  And there is nobody living near the refuge.  The local population consists of a) the natural birds, b) the dozen or so occupiers, and c) far more press in total than the protesters and maybe even the birds.  

Now add the fact that it is darn cold up there, a circumstance for which the protesters seem not to be ready.  Further, they have asked others to send them things for support, chief among the requests being “snacks”.  You can’t make this up.  Do they want candy bars, Cheetos, jerky sticks, donuts, or something else?  They have broken the law but seem to have sentenced themselves to a no house-big house of their own choosing.   If you are confined to a totally isolated place, very cold, no normal comforts, no snacks, etc., isn’t that like putting yourself in an outside slammer?   My vote is that they invite all like-minded souls to join them so that such populations are reduced elsewhere.   They could put up a sign.  Read from the inside the sign could read, “Protectors of ranching rights, somewhere”, where the other side of the sign, seen from the outside, could read, “Malheur Federal Correctional Facility”.  And none of this would cost taxpayers unless the feds buy some snacks for them.

Next comes the elected county commissioner from southern Utah who deliberately and with a lot of publicity violated federal law by driving his ATV around the protected Recapture Canyon.  He knew it was illegal, loudly proclaimed his rights exceeded those of all the people and the federal government in particular, and pretty much boasted that the feds could take a hike straight to hell.  His words and those of his compadres were spread all over the media with great joy.  That is, until the wheels of justice slowly turned on a steady course and a substantial fine for restitution was ordered by the federal judge and all that remained was the question of jail time.  As sentencing drew near the bellicosity and bravado of the offender disappeared as fast as the rabbit down the hole in Alice in Wonderland.  Such a model  (and transformation ) to remorse, repentance, and humility has seldom been seen.  

Finally, we come to “El Chapo”, henceforth referred to by the proper English translation to “Shorty”.  Shorty, not to be confused with my beloved friend “The Muddled Male” (who is also vertically challenged), has been recaptured some 6 months after his latest escape.  Shorty is a horrible drug dealer in Mexico who has managed to escape the toughest prisons in that country.  So it is of great surprise to me that there is talk of extraditing him to the U.S. so he can be put in a supermax prison here.  

My question is, “Why would we want him here”?   The Donald has stated that our borders are porous and that many of those who come here from Mexico are rapists, murderers, and worse.  So I expect to hear immediately from the Donald that bringing Shorty here is clearly wrong and with his wall proposal  will as promised solve all the problems (with Mexico carrying the price).  I will continue to buy green bananas until I hear a direct statement of opposition to a Shorty extradition from the Donald himself.  On the plus side if Shorty does end up here we could build a mini-scale prison (perhaps ½ size) for him as he does not need much of a ceiling.  Sort of a souped up hamster cage would suffice.  It could even have a wheel for exercise, a little pool/tub/drinking attachment, and fresh newspaper on the floor every morning.