By Mel Hansen, the Eighteen Wheeler Philosopher
WARNING!! If you’re a Philadelphia Eagles fan you might not want to read any further! Could be a bad omen of things to come.
Just when I begin to think I’ve seen it all. I haven’t! At 03:30 this morning I pulled into a truck stop east of Nashville, Tennessee to fuel up. Not too many people in there as I went in to get a bottle of whole milk and some paper towels. Grabbed what I needed and stood in line to pay for them. (Is it just me or does anyone else notice that there’s no one at the counter as you get two little things, but as soon as you head for the counter immediately 10 people come out of nowhere! Beat you there so you have to stand in line 20 minutes. Just one of the many things that grinds my gears!)
So I’m standing in the second line when in comes this big mountain of a man, dressed completely in green with the Philadelphia Eagles logo all over it. Yes! He’s a Eagles fan for sure! Reminded me more of the Jolly Green Giant on the vegetable cans! He grabbed a 12 pack of coke, two bags of potato chips, and stood directly to my right in the other line.
Now I’m 6’0”, 172 lbs, the green giant to my right was a good head taller than myself making him at least 6’4/6” and I’m guessing he was a solid, a little baby flab 240/260 lbs. The lady, there were three ladies present, the one in front of me, two behind the counter, looked at him and said in that ever so sweet southern accent “So from the looks of ya, I take it you’re a Eagles fan?” WOW!! The green giant started to RANT like a wild man!
Now I’ve been around some of the roughest individuals that are fluent in the art of profanity but the green giant was beyond anyone/thing that I’ve ever heard! For every word a literate person would use to form a sentence the green giant would use three F bombs first, say a proper word, followed by another three or four F bombs! The gentleman at the counter in my line turned and almost he and I said in unison “Hey man! Calm down! These ladies don’t need to hear that!” He looked at us both...I surmised he came to the conclusion that he could easily kill both of us with a flick of his hand, but he did drop one out of five F bombs in his on going rant about him and his Eagles!
We learned he was born and raised in South Jersey! His father and grandpa took him to all the games as a kid growing up and his Eagles were going to...F bombs...the Patriots and kill the....5 more F bombs again...Brady!
Now the guy in front of the green giant had his back to him as he was paying for his stuff. He was wearing a red hat and jacket with Georgia Bulldog logos. He was shorter than me, around my age, possibly older as his hair and beard was mostly grey, maybe a tad heavier than myself, said over his shoulder to the green giant (read very carefully) ”Sir! I hope you’re right! But I think they’re going to be extremely lucky to beat Brady.” (You all did read Sir! I hope you’re right!?)
The green giant went berserk! F bomb! after F bomb!, with the ladies now getting uneasy, went hurling at the man with his back still to the green giant! Again me and the other guy told him he needed to calm down or leave, but he kept it up, telling the man, still with his back to him, “How could he be a fan of the Patriots who cheat to win every game!” To which the man said over his shoulder in a calm southern accent “Same old song and dance from those who don’t have the talent to beat them! Give it a rest.”
Now this infuriated the green giant! He told the man that he was going to place his two bags of potato chips and 1/2 pack of coke up...well you all know where...and beat the crap out of him! And then pushed the man in the back!
I looked at the man in my line at the counter cause I heard him whisper. “Oh crap! You shouldn’t have done that!” In the split second it took for me to look from the green giant to the man who said oh crap and back again the green giant had dropped his potato chips and coke! He was on his knees! Almost eye to eye with the smaller man he had just threatened and pushed! Georgia Bulldog man had his hand around, what at first I thought was the green giant’s neck choking him, but it wasn’t. I couldn’t see the fingers on his right hand because they were buried in the green giant’s neck and around his wind pipe! The green giant could not utter a sound and his eyes were about to pop out of his sockets!
Here’s what Georgia Bulldog calmly said to South Jersey green giant.
“Sir! Passion is a great thing to have! I believe it’s essential for everyday life, but if you mix it with stupidity! Well, this is just one of the many unfortunate things that can happen! Now I need you to listen, this time very closely, because you obviously didn’t listen to me when I told you that I hoped your Eagles win and this unfortunate event could have been avoided! Now I don’t know if your mommy and daddy taught you manners up there in South Jersey, if they did, you’ve seemed to have crapped them out somewhere! Down here in the south we try not to talk like you just have in public, certainly not around the ladies, so I need you to apologize to each of these ladies with just one blink of your eyelids and I suggest you do it in a hurry cause you might just pass out!”
I’ve never seen a man blink just once, so fast to each lady, in my life! He went on to say to the man who said “Oh crap!” “Mack! Would you please pick up the potato chips and coke and pay for them with money out of my wallet while I help my new friend here from South Jersey catch his breath, then help him to his vehicle?” Mack, looked at me and winked, then said. “Anything for our new friend from South Jersey! Ya might want to tell him as you’re helping him out that he might not be able to cheer at all or eat these chips today during the game, he should probably stick to fluids and soup for a day or two cause his throat might be a little bit sore!”
Georgia Bulldog let go, helped a very humble, not even trying to say a word South Jersey green giant Eagles fan regain normal breathing procedure and helped him outside.
After I paid for my stuff I went outside to restart my journey, I seen Georgia Bulldog helping South Jersey into his pickup truck, I’m not 100% certain but I think I heard George Bulldog say. “I hope your Eagles win today! So your day won’t be a complete loss! But more importantly! On your way back to South Jersey stop and pick up your manners you crapped out along the way somewhere and start using them and make your momma proud!”
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