Bobbie Bicknell Coray, Reporter
Rich Civic Times
A national dialogue may be started in Rich County.
Alicia Hobson's daughter Azlyn who is a student at Rich Middle School was asked to dance at a school dance by someone who had made her uncomfortable during the school year. She said "No, thank you." But the school has a policy of not allowing any student, boy or girl, to refuse to dance with someone who had asked them, so as to not have feelings hurt. Azlyn was encouraged to dance which she did. She came home crying.
Alicia Hobson, questioned the policy with Principal Kip Motta. She said that their family had been teaching the children about consent in the matter of personal space. The story went viral on Facebook and made national headlines. In this time of "Me Too." and more awareness of sexual harassment, the question of making girls dance or be with someone who makes them uncomfortable just to be polite becomes important. Too many girls have been harmed because they behaved politely when first harassed.
Rich Civic Times
A national dialogue may be started in Rich County.
Alicia Hobson's daughter Azlyn who is a student at Rich Middle School was asked to dance at a school dance by someone who had made her uncomfortable during the school year. She said "No, thank you." But the school has a policy of not allowing any student, boy or girl, to refuse to dance with someone who had asked them, so as to not have feelings hurt. Azlyn was encouraged to dance which she did. She came home crying.
Alicia Hobson, questioned the policy with Principal Kip Motta. She said that their family had been teaching the children about consent in the matter of personal space. The story went viral on Facebook and made national headlines. In this time of "Me Too." and more awareness of sexual harassment, the question of making girls dance or be with someone who makes them uncomfortable just to be polite becomes important. Too many girls have been harmed because they behaved politely when first harassed.
"Policies like this one not only overlook, but completely fly in the face of, what we need to be teaching young children — of all gender identities — about the importance of consent," Schrag Hershberg told TODAY Parents. "Essentially, it is saying that a child needs to say 'yes' no matter how they feel, as a blanket rule. I don't think it's a stretch to say that such a message is very much in alignment with sexual harrassment acceptance culture and, therefore, very dangerous if perpetuated."
A local father, Jason Wade Matthews, responded on Facebook "My daughter is one of Azlyns friends so this hits me. I don’t want my daughter told she can’t say no to boys... Girls should be taught in this county and every other for that matter, their decision is their right. No one should be able to make them do anything that makes them uncomfortable. Too many girls in this county have fallen prey to predators who took advantage of girls who couldn’t say no. My daughter won’t be one of them, she will say no if she feels like it and I will stand behind her 100%".
Hobson told The Washington Post that boys and
girls take turns asking classmates to dance. When a song starts, the boys will
ask girls to dance. When that song finishes, the girls will ask boys to dance.
She said her family, which moved
to the school district about three years ago, loves the school and has had no
other problems. She said she believes Motta and the school district mean well,
but haven’t thought about how the dance rules might affect young girls.
The mother said she understands
the aim of the school’s policy: to help children find the courage to ask
classmates to dance by eliminating the risk of rejection. It also limits the
tweens’ natural tendency to self-segregate into two groups along gender lines
for the entire event, Hobson said.
But Hobson also said "She ALWAYS has the right to say no. Boys don't have the right to touch girls or make them dance with them. They don't. If girls are taught that they don't have the right to say no to boys, or that saying no is meaningless, because they'll be forced to do it anyway, we will have another generation who feels that this culture is completely normal."
Hobson said "Rich Middle School is fantastic. It's the best school I've ever seen. The principal is a devoted and caring principal. He's as passionate about inclusion as I am about consent. This policy regarding the dances is obviously one I am very much against. I don't want my child or any child to ever be put in a situation where they feel they cannot refuse physical contact with someone they don't wish to have physical contact with. I'm sure none of us do. I'm also sure that the school viewed this whole situation very differently than I do.
I know that Principal Motta is going to review this policy with mindfulness of the concerns that have been voiced. He will find a way to teach the children manners and empathy. I believe he will make sure they have learned the importance of consent, whether it be in the context of dancing, dating, or any other situation. The students of his school are his top priority, and I know he will do everything he can to ensure their well-being. He's that kind of a man.
Once that has happened, I look forward to telling everyone about how we as a community have grown and overcome a challenge that was holding us back. I'll tell you about how much better we all are for having gone through this together."
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