Reflections on the Journey

Ed Note:  Leslie struggles with brain chemistry issues and is sharing her amazing journey as a wonderful wife, mother, friend and colleague.

By Leslie Scott

Things that make me want to hide in a closet and cry:

Waking up in the morning

Going to bed at night

Getting dressed

Going to work

Coming home from work

Doing homework with my kids

Not doing homework with my kids

Making meals

Laundry

Being with my kids

Not being with my kids

Talking to people

Not talking to people

My cat's meow

My dog being outside

Taking a shower

Brushing my hair

Looking at a text message

Not looking at a text

Moving to a new house

Staying at the old house

Looking into the future

Not being able look past the next thing I need to do in a day.

Can you tell I'm a mess?! As I laid there last night, wanting to hide in a closet and cry, the only words in my mind were, "The Lord loves effort!" Maybe this was meant to be a comfort....maybe I was supposed to feel better because everyday I'm making an effort.....but I don't think so.

The only way for me to make it through this is to figure out, WHY! Why do I feel this way, why are some days worse than others, why now at this point in my life?

Sure, there are some things I'll never understand. I'm not a doctor. I don't understand hormones and brain chemistry. But maybe I can find patterns, maybe I can listen to my body more, maybe, maybe, maybe......

If "The Lord loves effort," then that's what He's going to get. I will give it my best. Even if my best somedays is putting one foot in front of the other and that's all I can do. And until that time when I can answer WHY, I'll take it ONE DAY AT A TIME!

Sidenote...things that don't make me anxious......"The Office."