Musings of a Muddled Male

BUGGED

This time of year I am consumed with vacuuming.  If you were to ask Ann, my wife, she would claim that she does all the vacuuming at our house, mostly because she doesn't trust me to do the job completely or correctly.  But Ann is talking about domestic vacuuming, the kind that keeps our carpets so pristine that Ann requires me to take my shoes off outside on the deck and then wrap myself in new, unused Saran Wrap before she will let me step onto her floors.  The kind of vacuuming to which I refer is the annual bug removal I do with my shop vac' in an attempt to eradicate the miserable, tobacco spitting, Box Elder bugs that infest our area this time of year and spot our house with their deposits in spite of my regular vacuum attacks. 

I'm afraid that we erred when we painted our house pastel green.  I thought that because we didn't have Box Elder trees there wouldn't be Box Elder bugs.  Silly me.  Each fall we have to wash our house to remove the dark, brownish green Box Elder bug tobacco juice dabbed randomly all over our clean windows, white vinyl window trim, and pastel green siding.  Yuk!! 

I had hoped that Bryce Neilson would write a Cisco Sonar column covering "One Hundred Ways to Abuse and Loose Box Elder Bugs," but he is partial to the grander things in nature like moose, eagles, Bear Lake aquatic life, and turkeys.  So I am left up here on the hill to face our infestation by myself.  I have sucked so many Box Elder bugs into my shop vac' that I need to empty it and clean the filter, but I am afraid to open the top since I also ingested a bunch of hornets that had been reconnoitering our home for a place to stay warm during the winter. 

Now I am trying a new tactic.  I noticed that all the other cabins in our area are painted earth tone colors.  I thought it was to make certain that the cabins blend in with their surroundings.  I recognize now that it is so that cabin owners can just ignore the Box Elder bugs since the earth tone bug deposits don't stand out on siding painted an earth tone color.  So I've decided to have the house re-painted a kind of tobacco juice shade.  I figure that my friends the Box Elder bugs should have the house completely repainted in about three years, if I stop vacuuming.  In the meantime, if you drive by a partially earth tone colored cabin, that is where I live.  And I have a slightly used shop vac' for sale.  I was hoping to get $10 for it, but I'll sell it to you for $5 if you will take off the top and clean the filter yourself.