The Unmuddled Mathematician

My Internal Processor

Chris Coray, The Unmuddled Mathematician

Maybe it was Aristotle who said, “Moderation in all things”.   Certainly that is an often quoted phrase with respect to advice for human behavior.   However, there are aspects of my personality that are in direct contradiction to that advice, sometimes causing stress for those in my family. 

One issue is my need to have stuff work or always being ready to work.   My wife, Bobbie, and our kids know all too well that if some piece of equipment fails then I am all over it.  Now.  Not in an hour.  Not even if the whole family is sitting in the car and we are about to depart for California.  My internal processor will not permit me to have a piece of our support infrastructure in non-operational mode.

 I am the kind of guy who has backup systems for everything, sort of like the International Space Station.  For example, in our house here we have two furnaces, two propane fireplaces (that do not require electricity), an emergency propane-fired heating stove, and of course, a backup generator of substantial size.  On the positive side that means that we are unlikely to ever be cold.  On the negative side that also means that should any one piece of my system stop working then I cannot be at peace until it is repaired, even if it requires that I break up normal daily routine, often interrupting some ongoing activity that may include others not in my family.  This may not be polite on my part.

Bobbie and the kids dread telling me about something that has broken because they know of my single mindedness in getting it repaired.   Normal human behavior shuts down in my actions.  This behavior attribute of mine needs an acronym.  We’ve all become familiar with OCD, ADHD, etc.  My problem can be briefly described as, “Needs universe to conform always supremely effectively.”   The problem with the acronym for this condition is that it works out to NUTCASE.   Well, it is what it is.

To give you an idea how far over the edge I’ve gone,  think about what happens if you get a flat tire.  You change to the spare, and then you get another flat tire before you can race to the repair shop (which in my world is now the first place we’re going) and get the first flat fixed.  The solution to the initial problem is that all cars should have two spares.  But then, …  you see where this is going.  To give you another example, I have two computers with the same stuff on them and I have a complete hard drive backup besides.  These are just two tiny examples of a mind gone amuck.  In my imaginary world, everything always works, which is of course not possible.  Hence backup systems and backups for backups.   Is there a support group for guys in my corner of the world? 

It all started with “Screwdriver” Bob Timmerman.  Bob went to high school with me and always, and I mean always, had a screwdriver in his pocket.  During gym class he had to carry the screwdriver in his basketball shorts, so he sewed a pocket in them to carry the life-saving repair tool.  But he always had the screwdriver and once tightened a loose screw in the gym floor during a game in which he was playing. This story is true.  He was my idol.

To all I’ve offended with my clearly crazy behavior, I apologize, but I don’t know if I can be cured.  Frankly, I am also a little suspicious of the “Muddled Male”, who I think should go through a metal detector to check if he has a concealed screwdriver (no permit required).  He may be a member of NUTCASE.

By the way, it was Aristotle, who posited that “Moderation in All Things” in all things was a good idea. He needed a screwdriver.