By Mel Hansen, The Eighteen Wheeler Philosopher
This morning I pulled into a truck stop to work the charlie horses out of my calf muscles whilst walking to the store to buy me a few cream filled doughnuts and a half gallon of milk to wash them down with.
When I came back out to the parking lot I looked for my truck, just like hundreds of times in the past three years...and headed for it whilst chowing down on one of the doughnuts. I’m halfway across the big parking lot, about out of breath, thinking to myself, "Hell almighty! What a dumbass I was for parking way down at the end of the lot!"
I finally get to my truck, pull out my spare key to unlock the door. I put the key in but it won’t turn the lock. "WHAT THE HELL!" I say out loud, and try several more times, jerk on the handle a few times, give it a steady stream of colorful adjectives mixed with a few nouns here and there! All of the sudden the truck starts to rocking and I can hear, "WHAT THE $&@$ IS GOING ON!" coming from inside my truck!
I think to meself, some sumbitch has broken into my truck, and yell out "GET OUT OF MY TRUCK YA SUMBITCH!"
I look up to see this dude pull back the curtain...roll down the window about halfway and yell at me, "THIS IS MY TRUCK DUMBASS AND YOU JUST WOKE ME OUT OF A SOUND SLEEP!"
Immediately I knew what I had done! I came out of the store and looked for Long Legs Lenoir instead of ol Crusher! And since there are hundreds of trucks that look like Lenoir I picked one out in the lot and headed right for it!
The ol boy must’ve recognized the...deer caught in the headlights...look on my face and started laughing! "You have a Maroon colored Freightliner too don’t ya dumbass?" I immediately apologized and told him that I do...I didn’t tell him that I was in a totally different colored truck though this round!
He laughed some more, said he’s done the same thing as I just did, but to get the hell away so he could get back to sleep! I apologized again and spotted ol Crusher less than 25 yards from the entrance of store! Remembering how lucky I was to find a spot that close to the store so I didn’t have to walk too far!
Maybe it’s time to remove meself from truck driving? Have my boys prop me up in a corner and throw soft food at me from time to time!
But I always try to pull a positive from a negative! Walking across the big lot twice, no more charlie horses. And I can still laugh at myself!
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