The Muddled Male

The Cough

By Bob Stevens, The Muddled Male  

 

I have been fighting an oncoming cold that has made my life miserable.  One of those kind that leaves you feeling yucky all over.  Last night was the worst so far with my nose running like a golf course sprinkler, my head throbbing like an African Djembe drum, and my mouth filled with molasses that just seemed to stay stuck to my tongue even though I tried and tried to swallow.  I finally went to sleep shortly after midnight only to be awakened at 4:00 AM by a coughing fit that lasted for an hour.  All this misery, however, left me with a low, sexy, bass voice that sounds a little like Barry White singing “You’re the First, the Last, My Everything.”  When I mentioned that to Ann, my wife, she said that she wouldn’t use the word sexy.  Creepy, maybe, but not sexy.  She said that I sounded a little like I was singing from the afterlife which, she admitted, might sound a little like Barry since he died ten years ago.        

I was worried that my illness might have jeopardized our marriage since Ann is now sleeping in the den at the other end of the house.  Out of range, she claims, of any germs she might ingest due to my now infectious state.  Do you husbands remember how attentive your wife was when you were ill in the beginning of your marriage?  Well we have been married for 58 years and Ann claims that she is still attentive.  I have noticed, however, that instead of coming to my temporary infirmary in our bedroom at the other end of the house to place a cool, damp washcloth on my fevered brow, she is just shouting encouragement from her safe-zone in the den.  Because of her interest in my other medical conditions she is also continuing my home education regarding the importance of controlling my diabetes by eating right and exercising.  She concluded her compassionate rant by telling me that if I survived another night I should fix some oatmeal for breakfast (to lower my cholesterol) and then I should go for a walk.  Or did she say, “Take a hike.”  Thinking back now, I’m not certain whether it was walk or hike, but if it was hike it may be because now I am also sneezing.