The Unmuddled Mathematician

Turkey—Part 2

By Chris S. Coray, The Unmuddled Mathematician

This is another story about Turkey and is safe for the wife of the Muddled Male to read.  It’s about the country, not like the previous amateur night for two non-farmers.

Many years ago I was in the army during the Vietnam War.  I was 24, a captain, and assigned to be the commanding officer of a nuclear weapon unit in Turkey.  Yep, in its wisdom the U.S. turned over the keys to Armageddon to a 24 year old kid.  There were 85 enlisted men, 6 lieutenants, our own doctor (who was an obstetrician) and yours truly.  We were located a thousand miles east of any real civilization (including my boss), and Mt. Ararat was just a ways to our east.  We were alone without families.   Christmas was tough.  My bride of a year was back in Utah.  Mail took two weeks each way.  No phones, no email, no Skype.

So we soldiered on and used occasional opportunities to create a little humor.  Once in a while a new lieutenant would be sent as a replacement.  The headquarters 1,000 miles to our west and in more of a desert was participatory in our stunt, never letting on to the new guy what was about to happen, except to warn him of a cold, desolate place unlike anything in his experience.

We always sent the doctor to greet the new guy, either at the train station or airfield.  The doctor would be in a horse drawn buggy, steel helmet, M-16, and stethoscope.  If asked, he would tell the new guy that the rifle was for wolves (we had them, too).  When the buggy arrived at our post we would put the new guy up in an arctic tent.  Officers had changed uniforms and I was wearing that of a 2d Lieutenant.  Somebody else was wearing the captain’s bars.  This whole thing had to be a shock to a new guy from the states and new to the army.

After unloading his gear he was taken to the mess hall (read kitchen/dining area).  The 8 officers ate in a little room off to the side.  Food was served in bowls on the table.  Plates were present but no silverware at all.  The rest of us behaved as though this was all regular and normal.  If someone asked for potatoes, another would just put his hand into the bowl, load up, and toss the spuds onto the plate of the requester.  We ate everything with our hands.  Generally the new guy just sat there, stunned that he was no longer at momma’s house.  Eventually, though, hunger won and he would begin to use his hands to eat.  This was the hardest part for the rest of us as the facial expression of this youngster was enough to break most of us into laughter.  But we held off. 

The new guy was always asking the other lieutenants about the CO (me), but didn’t get a lot of help, except when he asked me and I would tell him to be very careful as the captain was a little nuts. 

The next morning we had all changed into our regular uniforms and before we went to breakfast he was to report to the captain.  When he came into my office the double take was worthy of a picture.  It was as though he had been in some kind of a strange dream.  But from then on we used utensils, provided a room in the BOQ (Bachelor Officers Quarters) treated him straight, and the 93+ of us celebrated Christmas when it came as soldiers of our nation always have, as watchmen on the towers. 

When you gather with your families this year, thank and say a prayer for those who bear the responsibility of securing your peace and safety.   Merry Christmas.