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Sunday, July 12, 2015

John Brown

John Brown, The Man

I like a clean van. But I live in the country, and I don’t have a pickup. This means the minivan has to haul stuff. It’s hauled hay, plants, dirt, kids—you name it.

We vacuum, but there are things a vacuum can’t touch. And if we want our van carpet and upholstery shampooed, we have to drive an hour to Logan, then leave the car at the shop for a full day.

A full day.

They want you to drop it off in the morning, pick it up in the afternoon. So what am I  going to do all day? Bring my bicycle and ride around with Brent, the happy dude with horns and flags on his bike that pedals up and down main street, waving to everyone?

Needless to say, shampooing was infrequent.

But then one day a few weeks ago I was talking to Patrick Floyd in Laketown. I was actually talking to him in Suzanne Siddoway’s basement.

What were two men doing in her basement?

We were doing what many men do in her basement...

We were sitting around waiting for her to cut our hair. What else would men be doing in her basement? (You know, it’s Quin’s basement too.)

And Patrick said that he’d started a new business called Peerless Detailing. He was trained and had the equipment to detail boats, cars, vehicles of all kinds.

I said, “Do you do just a shampoo?”

“Whatever you need,” he said.

I said, “Duuuude!”

You have to read that with kind of a hope, like a thirsty man seeing an ice cream truck in the middle of the Serengeti.

He said, “Yeah.”

I said, “Man.”

He said, “Yup.”

I said, “Alright.”

After that scintillating conversation, I took my van over. Patrick of Peerless did verily clean that carpet and upholstery. And he did it for less money than it would have cost me in Logan! And in less time!

I got back a new van. It smelled great. Looked great. I felt like rolling around on the carpet in joy, but refrained. Instead, I drove home, and everyone in the house rejoiced. We drove around a little, just to celebrate.

A week later, we had to haul more crap. I took the seats out. I put them in the garage. This was a dumb thing to do. I’d learned long ago to put them in the house. See, we leave our garage door cracked so our mouse control service can get in and out, the mouse control consisting of five cats.

Sometimes, other cats figure they can help themselves to whatever’s in the garage. Some of those cats are stray toms. And because I don’t mark my territory with my own scent, which I’m sure would put the fear of whatever cat god is out there into them, they think they can muscle in. Feel like they can claim the place for their own.

And so they spray.

I’ve been meaning to get a gun. A paintball gun, if nothing else. I figure a few stings with a paintball ought to learn the dogs and cats and deer. It’s my theory, and I’m going to test it one of these days. So if you one day see various animals walking around with polka dots, you know what’s going on. Anyway, I don’t have a gun, and I’m not going to go around and mark the perimeter of my yard. You know how much water I’d have to drink!

So this cat came in and sprayed.

He sprayed one of my newly cleaned captain chairs!

(Anyone who wants to practice their marksmanship on live targets, just let me know.)

So what do you do? Well, I'll tell you this: we didn't have to set the seat on fire. No. We just called Patrick.

Patrick did his magic and removed the offending blankity-blank cat spray. And the seat was as good as new.

Can I tell you how happy I am we now have someone doing this in Laketown?

I’m ecstatic. I plan to take my vehicles in once or twice a year. Why not?

If you need your boat or car or van detailed, I think you’ll be pleased with Peerless. You can call Patrick at (435) 535-1493 or connect on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/peerlessdetail  and set up an appointment. He’s mobile to boot and can come to your residence.


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