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Sunday, September 13, 2020

Reflections On The Journey

By Leslie Scott

Ed Note:  Introducing a new columnist for RCTonline.  Leslie struggles with brain chemistry issues and is sharing her amazing journey as a wonderful wife, mother, friend and colleague.

I missed my 5 am workout this morning. I told myself I was too tired to get up and do it today. Then I lay in bed, wide awake, for 45 minutes, thinking about how I should have gone and worked out.

So, I laced up my running shoes and went on my first time in a long time, outdoor run! It sucked!

But I pushed myself so that I could feel something other than despair. That for once, maybe I could be in control of what I was feeling. And the tears just fell!

I got to the bottom of this hill and told myself that it was too hard. That I couldn't do it anymore. Life was too hard, the run was too hard, and the hill was definitely too hard. And then I heard, "But the Light is just on the other side!"

I looked up and saw the sun just peeking over the top, and pushed myself up the hill. All I wanted to feel was the warmth on my face!

I find metaphors in life so often when I struggle. Maybe it's because I try so hard to find peace that I feel is so far away most days. But isn't it interesting that just as I wanted to give up, the light shone through?

Today I found a small piece of comfort in knowing that my Light is at the top of the hill. I can choose whether I quit and turn around, walk slowly, or run towards it.


I chose to run today!!! And I hope that as I keep searching for the Light, that l will become a little bit stronger. Every hill is a chance to grow. Every new morning is a battle won. And I will keep taking it One Day At A Time!

2 comments:

Penel said...

A wonderful reminder that there is always light up ahead, even if we can’t see it. I wish our son in law could have figured it out, he took his own life 2 1/2 years ago. Today would’ve been his 42nd birthday. So glad you had that great bit of wisdom!

Leslie said...

It is so hard to find when you feel such despair. Im lucky, and I think a tad unusual....but everyday is a fight and a struggle to find it. My heart hurts to hear of your loss. This is a real, heart breaking struggle, and I hope he's found the peace he was searching for.