The Unmuddled Mathematician

We Men Have a Long Way To Go

By Chris S. Coray, The Unmuddled Mathematician

Maybe it all started with the toys we played with as toddlers.  Boys playing with GI Joe, girls playing with dolls.  But however it started the differences only magnified over time.  Guys, we are way behind on the marathon of service.

This is a story of 3 women in my life and only because my bias is too deep my wife will not be included.

Example One:  I have a cousin.  She, like most of us, has faced challenges and carried burdens.  When she was 10 her dad got sick.  Seriously ill.  My parents invited her to spend the summer with us and she moved into a room with my little sister.  She was a delightful addition to our family, even from my exalted station as a college kid.  In the past 55 years I have watched her as she has experienced the following (and likely more about which I do not know):  The early death of her dad, followed by a loving attachment to her uncle (her dad’s brother).  That uncle is now 90 but has been treated by my cousin like a dad.  She visits him often, though it’s a thousand miles, invites him to vacations with her, has taught him the joys of face time, and he knows how his life has been affected.

Further, she is a wonderful wife to a good guy who like yours truly would lead a fairly dull life without her.  She is the emotional Gibraltar Rock for her grandchildren and as these words are written she is in a hospital undergoing very complicated surgery on an ear that has a screaming woman in it. 

She moved 400 miles to be with her mom in the last months of her mom’s life, and regardless of the ailments that afflict her she thinks of, generates, and includes her extended family in a variety of family activities, the latest just 2 days prior to the current surgery.  What I could not see when she stayed the summer with us at age 10 and I was a self-centered college kid was how strong and smart she is.  Go ahead life, do your worst, she will stare you down with a smile on her face.

Example Two:  My dad died 14 years ago.  My sister, living with my mom, has spent those 14 years in 36 hour days caring for our mother, who is now 98 ½, in our mom’s own home.  This is care that money cannot buy, yet, with her beloved dog, she has devoted her entire life to sustaining care for mom.  When we visit we stay in rooms downstairs and every morning I hear the purposeful strides of my sister and she begins her long day of service.  She does not complain, ever.  She takes joy in what she is doing.  Absent the care she has given there is no chance our mom would have survived this long.  Whatever joy mom has had is directly accountable to my sister.  As our mom’s mind slips away my sister still probes at recovering memories, e.g., using nursery rhymes, spelling tests, and other techniques to keep her here.  How many people do you know who heat up a blanket or sheet every night so that when she tucks mom into bed the blankets are warm, who sings “Twinkle, twinkle little star” to her each night, sealed with a kiss?  God is watching her and He is well pleased.

Example Three:  My wife has one living relative, her sister.  She has had MS for 20 years, has had a growth in her heart surgically removed, plus the usual issues with age, but she has never, never complained.  She taught in an elementary school until the MS became disabling and now devotes the vast majority of her time to helping the family of one of her children.  She lost a son to drugs but did not lose her courage or determination.  Her thoughts are often of those who currently suffer and she monitors and assists them.  She remembers and acts on others birthdays.  When she and my wife are together and get the giggles it sounds like two dolphins in a high pitched squeak.  No one can understand a word but we are all laughing so hard it does not matter.  We laugh, their dolphin squeak gets higher pitched, and we laugh even harder.  The two often dress alike, without knowledge or purpose, but they must be WiFi connected.

Guys, we’ve got a long way to go.  Light years.  Being on average stronger than the women who are essential to our happiness isn’t worth spit.  Admiration, respect, and support would be a decent start.